The Non-Heroic Tale of Comfort Tag: a true story.

If you ever need to get rid of stupid pets that you were never supposed to have in the first place, one option will always remain:


Pictured below is the former Comfort Tag. The original plan was to release him into the wild and let Darwin do his worst on this evolutionary dead end. True story: guinea pigs aren't good pets, they aren't good animals, they aren't good topics for blog postings, they aren't even good food rendering factories. They are uninteresting, unintelligent, unaffectionate, and unviable as a species without human feeding, changing, selective breeding, and distribution.

But, the option always exists to dress them up as estranged wizards and drop them off on a shelf at one of your dozen local Wal-Marts and leave them there. (See figure below.)


Be sure to leave a note with your little wizard lest one of the bumbling cases for eugenics that inevitably stumbles upon it doesn't recognize by the tiny purple cloak what's up. If at all possible include an audio version of the note because there is only a 1 in 7 chance that this person will be able to read.
(Click the image for the larger, readable version of the note) (Audio coming for non-readers, but there's no way for them to know that, so if you're friends with any, please let them know by speaking to them.)


So no one knows what became of ole' Comfort Tag. Maybe he's on his way to Ft. Meyers, Florida to meet my old neighborhood pal Doug Kinsey. Maybe he's still there between those cans of baseballs because another thing: guinea pigs barely move. At best he caused a stir; maybe found a home. (God help the lameness that is to descend upon THAT household.) But the important thing is that he is not here anymore, and because of that, Jake's room doesn't suck as much.