for the birds... that was the idea anyway.

So not everything we do can go off without a hitch, or even multiple hitches as in this case. The plan seemed straight forward enough. To kick off "Burn the Bridges Tour 2K6" Matt and I agreed to start both literally and metaphorically with a bridge. The idea had been in our heads for years to hang something from long strings off of the Talmadge Bridge over the Savannah River, so today we settled upon bread. Theoretically it would attract lots of birds and turn the bridge into a giant bird feeder. Like I said, straight forward. We lucked out and found a ton of bread first thing at Ole' Trusty Kroger Dumpster. We then headed over to the park to string up the various loaves and buns.






So we are now pros at stringing up some bread. The Job offers should be rollin in any minute now. We loaded the bread strings on the bike with a twinkle in our eyes and threw in a high five for good measure. That high five was one of the last things that went ok.

Matt suffered a flat tire halfway up the bridge. As the cars sped by I acted as if I too were afflicted with bike problems. We had no trouble unloading the bread but hanging them off the edge was another story altogether; a story that I am currently telling. The string was far too tangled to unwind so the bread merely hung prostrate just off the edge of the bridge. I had to run back to Matt to grab scissors to cut loose the twist ties which had become ensnared in the mess of line.


NOT WHAT HAPPENED!


More like what happened.

So I sped off. Matt got picked up by the heat. And while I was biking back across the bridge uphill and directly into the wind, Matt was busy denying all knowledge of the situation, gently sidestepping federal charges. He shot me a nod and a wave as I sped by in the opposite direction, wheezing, sweating, and out of breath.

We caught up in a parking lot, and as we were about to head home the cops rolled up again. The hopped out and popped their trunk laying our string of bread out on the ground before us.

"What the hell Guys?" they say.
"Why did you lie to us back there Steven? (Matt) You've got bread in your bag."

"Honestly we were trying to make a big birdfeeder. You know, for the birds."

"Well why didn't you just say that. Instead you lied, and that's obstruction. I could arrest you for that now."

With a well played "Art School Thing" card we got off with that nice little warning you saw back yonder. The cops were, by and large, understanding; seemed like old troublemakers themselves. We shared some stories, some laughs, some glances. It also turns out I don't have any outstanding warrants. All in all I believe we each learned some valuable lessons about life. AND Matt and I didn't get arrested.



Note: Not the actual cop. I don't know who those kids are.

Also some birds may yet be fed because the cops only found one line, and didn't feel like going back for the other one.

So what did we learn? Basically, if you are doing something incredibly stupid and absurd, just tell the truth, because no one knows what to do about it. Words to live by.

...And the Burning of the Bridges has just begun.